Awkward Avengers
by Mars and Stars
Summary: Loki sneezes and all of a sudden everyone's acting strange. Pervy Loki, strict Tony, evil Natasha, and manipulating Fury. One could call this a body swap. Steve, Bruce, Clint, and Thor call it annoying.
1. Chapter 1

**I had way too much fun writing this. Poor Avengers.**

**-Disclaimer: This wouldn't be a fanfic if I owned the Avengers. **_**This would**_** not **_**be a fanfic.**_

_**This would NOT be a fanfic.-**_

Natasha, Fury, and Tony led a handcuffed Loki down S.H.E.I.L.D.'s hallway. The rest of the Avengers following behind at a distance, keeping the threat of violent agents from attacking the god. _Not like we need the extra protection,_ Clint thought to himself. He could tell Steve, Thor, and Bruce alongside him felt the same. None of the agents dared glance at the Frost Giant, as they were all under the impression that he would somehow injure them in his weak state. Curiously though, Loki didn't want to do anything like that at that precise moment. Instead, his attention was focused on his nose. He _really_ had to sneeze. He brought up his hands, his handcuffs clanging together in the orchestra of footsteps- the hallway was otherwise silent- and tried to itch his nose. Natasha smacked his hand away, giving him a quick glare that clearly said 'don't-move-or-I'll-kill-you'. Well, that was an issue. He had to sneeze _so _badly. The mortal wouldn't even let him try to cover his muzzled nose, which he considered blasphemy. _Hold it in, Loki,_ he urged himself. The efforts proved to be in vain; the sensation was overwhelming. He stopped walking. Tony bumped into him. The force of it sent the suppressed sneeze right out of his nose, making the muzzle fly off his face and noisily clatter to the ground.

_"ACHOOOOOO!"_

It was the most horrible sound imaginable. Blinding light sprayed, earning surprised cries from the people accompanying him. The Avengers hardly had time to react, other than Clint, who's hand immediately shot to his bow.

The light that formulated from Loki's nose engulfed Natasha, Fury, and Tony. Each of them shivered with their eyes squeezed tightly shut; it was brighter than the sun but somehow colder than the arctic. As soon as it had started, it vanished, leaving the ones who partook in the lightshow looking at each other in bewilderment. Bruce, Steve, and Clint scratched their heads off behind them, wondering why they looked so sick.

"What the hell is going on here?" Loki asked. He looked down, fighting the handcuffs. "You've _got _to be kidding me," he groaned.

Everyone looked at the no-longer-muzzled god in shock.

Everything was silent for a few moments, as no more agents were passing by the glossy black hallway, when Thor finally stepped forward from the group trailing behind. "Brother," he patted Loki's back, earning a look similar to a deer caught in a headlight. Or perhaps a reindeer, as Tony would say. "I believe you've learned what the Midgardians call 'slang'!"

Loki somehow managed to roll his eyes while still looking to be in a state of panic, like Fury and Tony.

Natasha, however, served to be the only one involved with the sneeze that didn't turn an ashy shade of white. While the unaffected ones gathered around the nearly hyperventilating group, she took this as a golden opportunity to silently back off. She glared shiftily back and forth, seemingly no one taking notice of her, before bolting off, taking care to not make too much noise.

Unfortunately for her, the oldest of the group was gifted with otherworldly hearing, thanks to the serum. It took a few seconds for the rest to notice, but Steve was already on her heels.

"Hey!" he yelled after her. "Where are you going?"

It was only a matter of a few seconds before Steve grabbed the assassin by the shoulders roughly. She struggled against his grip and gave him a seething look that made him flinch slightly "What's going on with everyone? What happened?"

"Let go of me, mortal," Natasha spat. He flinched again.

"Um... Okay." Steve dropped his hands from her shoulders as everyone caught up to the disgruntled woman.

"How does one run with these?" She muttered, looking down at her chest.

"Can someone explain what's going on with everyone? You all look like you've seen a ghost," Steve addressed his teammates.

"No worries, Steve, I didn't see a ghost. I saw a total HUNK," Loki purred, eyeing Tony hungrily, who returned a wary glance. Everyone was slightly- actually, not so slightly- taken aback. And extremely confused.

"Shut the hell up," Tony growled.

Natasha attempted to dart away again, but the gaze of Steve Rogers in his full Captain America uniform, shield and all, made her involuntarily stop dead in her tracks. "Leave my sight, Midgardian," she instead barked.

Bruce exchanged glances with Clint. Steve pinched the bridge of his nose.

Clint crossed his arms, surveying the group like a strict teacher would to his students. "I really don't want to make Bruce get angry-" the scientist rolled his eyes at the remark- "so can someone please tell us what happened?"

There was a brief silence before Natasha spoke through clenched teeth. "If I am not mistaken, my sneeze was large enough to switch our minds to different bodies. I believe I am the Midgardian you call the Black Widow."

Clint looked at Natasha. Or his enemy in his… sort-of-lover's body. "Fuck."

"No fair, I want boobs," Loki gasped.

"Don't you even think about it," Fury spat to Loki, who immediately lowered his still handcuffed hands from Natasha's chest. He pouted, his lip quivering in a fake show of extreme sadness. It was a hilarious sight to see the god's ungodly act, and would have been laughed at under different circumstances.

"So," Bruce started slowly, "Loki's groping Natasha… I think that means Tony's mind is in Loki's body. And we already know Loki is Natasha."

"And Natasha is stuck being Fury," Clint said, giving the director- or the Black Widow- an apologetic look. The (wo)man fished some keys out of the leather trench coat, unhandcuffed Loki and nodded to Clint's assumption, lips pressed tightly together.

"That leaves Fury's mind being in Tony?" he/she inquired.

"Sadly," Tony groaned.

"Cheer up, _handsome_," Loki strolled over and patted Tony on the back. "I mean, you've got two eyes now."

"Brother…" Thor interjected finally, having said nothing at the news before. He still looked extremely shocked at the new development. "How do you change it back?"

"I cannot do anything without my mind in its body. I have no magic. We need to wait about thirty Midgardian days for our minds to return to their rightful bodies. Until then, we cannot be separated for more than a few days, or else our minds will not have enough time to find their ways back and we will be forever in this form," Natasha explained.

Steve's eyes widened in horror. Clint groaned. Bruce looked extremely angry.

"Brother, there has to be another way."

"I cannot think of another one."

"Oh fucking hell," Tony groaned.

"I'm never going to get laid looking like _this_," Loki complained.

"But I'm stuck as a guy," Fury groaned.

"This form will suffice," Natasha sighed. "Until then…"

Natasha's sentence trailed off when everyone eyed her warily. "What is it?" she snapped.

"So do we lock me up?" Fury asked.

"Remember, you guys have to stick with each other or else you might not be able to go back to your bodies," Bruce spoke up. Everyone stared at him. He had been so quiet that they had forgotten he was there.

Clint rubbed his temple in slow circular motions, a sign of confusion that Natasha, the one in the form of Fury, recognized. "Should I call you Natasha or Fury?"

"Just call me Fury, for the sake of keeping everyone sane."

"I still don't see why we call each other by our first names except for Fury. I mean, can't we all just call him Nick?" Loki absently asked everyone.

"I'm your boss," Tony replied. "Or," he looked down at his clothing and back up. "I think I still am."

"Mr. Fury then?"

"You're pushing it, Tony," Tony growled.

"No, you're supposed to call me Loki."

"I do not act like that buffoon." Natasha said icily.

"Brother, you must not act so hostile towards my friends." Thor put his arm on Natasha's shoulder. She shrugged it off. A look of hurt flashed across Thor's features.

"Brother? I think you have a little sister now, big guy," Loki snickered.

"I am used to the form of a girl, it does not affect Thor and-" Natasha was once again cut off, but unlike the last time. Instead of trailing off, her face paled as a mischievous grin spread across Loki's face, one that shockingly informed the Fury in Tony's body how alike the demigod and the billionaire were.

Even Bruce's lips twitched at the 'TMI' moment.

Natasha bit her lip. I_ should **not** have said that_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hugs and kisses to my five lovely reviewers! You complete me as Batman completes the Joker.**

**Sorry for the short chapter. And slow update. There's no excuse other than I'm interning and the hours are brutal. I'll make an extra long one next time :)**

**The rating has gone up due to my dirty mind.**

**Also… I'm thinking of trying FrostIron with this one. So in a way it would be Loki/Natasha simply because of the body swap... and after it's over, drama ensues. Oui ou non? If enough people want it, I'll do it. If no one wants it, I wont. I'm not a very good romance writer anyway, haha! **

**Disclaimer: I don't think anyone affiliated with Marvel has even acknowledged my existence.**

They were sitting on sofas in Stark Tower, drunk, Natasha handcuffed to a chair. Earlier, Loki had rather generously given them whiskey (including the evil bitch who had defenestrated him, although she left her drink untouched). The only absence in the scene was Tony, who had insisted on being left alone in his temporary room.

After a rather awkward and slurred explanation from Thor of how Loki was used to the form of a woman, Loki/Tony sheepishly backed off the question, looking disgusted and somewhat impressed.

"Mythology," Clint rolled his eyes lazily and took another gulp of the alcohol.

"I- That was- _What?_" Fury was taken aback.

"Thor, I do not wish for you to tell them of my humiliating adventures."

"But they're sooooo amusing," Thor giggled. Natasha stared at her brother. _So that's what whiskey does._

"I HAVE TO PEE," Loki shot up, knocking over a bottle of whiskey and causing Fury to rumble with laughter. He trotted over to the bathroom, stumbling a few times, and opened the door after a few failed attempts.

Fury got out his- or at least Natasha's- phone, and started to text someone, his tongue hanging out and eyebrows knitted in concentration. Clint's phone vibrated. He snapped it open and immediately asked/laughed/slurred "Nata- Furyyyyy, what does 'I rant your sick' mean?"

Bruce, only slightly tipsy as he was afraid of turning into a drunken Hulk, snickered at this. Everyone else was too smashed to understand the heavily misspelled text. Then he bit his lip at the slightly disturbing mental image. _Clint and Fury- oh god __**NO**__._

Clint was about to demonstrate pinning an apple off of Thor's head, when suddenly from the bathroom-

"LOKI, YOU HAVE A MASSIVE DICK."

Natasha turned to the side, a thin veil of hair covering her wide eyes and embarrassment. Everyone else laughed.

"THOR, IS YOUR HAMMER ANYTHING LIKE YOUR BROTHER'S?"

"Uh…" Thor said intelligently. Everyone laughed even harder.

Then, heard faintly over the laughter from upstairs, "What the _HELL_ is going on down there?"

"SORRY, FURY… OR… ME… UH… SORRY TONY. DON'T BE JEALOUS. I'LL ASK NATASH- OR YOU… WHOEVER IS YOU RIGHT NOW TO GET YOU SOME ENHANCEMENT SURGERY OR SOMETHING. OR YOU COULD JUST PICK UP SOME WOMAN WHILE YOU'RE ME," Loki rambled.

Natasha would have blushed deeply, had she not felt incredibly ill at that moment. Her eyes fluttered and she collapsed with a pounding migraine.

Loki emerged from the bathroom, looking slightly flustered and extremely smug. Thor ran over, momentarily forgetting the body swap, and engulfed him in what could only be described as a Thor-hug. "Brother," he cried, "I thought I lost you in Jotumheim."

No one noticed Natasha had fainted.

3 DAYS LATER

Thor was holding her hand when she woke up. The rest of the group peered curiously at Natasha at the end of the bed.

"Brother, are you feeling well?"

"No," Natasha croaked. Or, she tried to but it came out as a strangled cough. She sputtered for a few minutes while Thor gently patted her back.

"What happened out there, Lokes? I didn't know you were one to pass out from a little whiskey," Loki asked with a sarcastically bright smile.

"I did not touch your foul mortal fluid."

"Me neither," Tony grumbled.

"Hey, I already apologized for forcing the Iron Man suit on you, okay? That was uncalled for."

Tony rolled his eyes. "You're damn lucky I'm not telling the Counsel about that."

The rest of them ignored their mindless banter and turned their attention to Loki. They all had the same question: '_Why did he faint?'_

Sensing their thoughts, Natasha voiced, "I believe my magic is barricaded from me in this mortal form, causing the untouched energy to corrupt Romanoff's body, thus making it unsuitable to live in."

"You mean I might not be able to be… me?" Fury asked quietly.

"If your body can withstand a month of this, it may be able to survive."

Everyone stared. Tony and Loki stopped arguing ("_No, YOU'RE the useless one.")_ Thor looked especially shocked. "I shall inform Odin immediately. He can undo this magic."

"Why didn't you say so before?" Clint hissed.

"He tends to forget to think things through," Natasha rolled her eyes and turned to Thor. "Your plan wouldn't work anyway. Odin could only bring one person to Midgard, and has yet to fully recharge his magic. I, as a magician, know this. He cannot take himself to this realm without the Bifrost, which is still being repaired."

Clint, acting as a realist, bit his lip and glanced at Fury, who looked equally as grim.

Thor would have none of that though. "But brother, there must be-"

"There is not."

"Listen," Tony called out with Fury's authority. Everyone's sullen eyes shot up to see his forthcoming speech. Tony surveyed the room and continued, "I'm not too damn happy with helping you," he locked cold eyes with the assassin, "but we have to find a way to reverse the effects for the _real _Natasha's sake. Some of our S.H.I.E.L.D. scientists will look over you. I've prepared rooms for everyone aboard the Helicarrier-"

"Is there a room for Pepper when she gets back from L.A?"

Tony glared daggers at being interrupted. "Yes, Loki. She'll have her own room," he sighed.

"No, I want her to stay in mine."

"You two will be sharing a room."

"But you just said-"

"Anyway," Tony continued through clenched teeth, "I'll be supervising you the whole time, Natasha. One wrong move, and I'll have you put on sedatives until you're all back to normal."

"Do you think Pepper will mind that I look like Loki?"

"I'll put you on sedatives too unless you learn to SHUT UP."

Loki paled. Tony sighed again. "I'll have our best doctors along with Loki and Bruce try-"

"Natasha fainted again," Steve pointed out quietly.

"Never-fucking-mind," Tony grumbled.

**Sorry for Bruce not being in the second part. Or he might have been. There wasn't really a place for the quiet Bruce to say anything, so maybe he was off getting some Shawarma or maybe he was just observing everything off in a corner. So, yeah. Questions, complaints, yada yada, feel free to tell me! Also, any writing tips (especially things you didn't like or want to see more of) would help a lot. **

**Thank you soooooo much :) You guys are the best**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you guys for all your reviews :D I'm sorry I've been so late to update…. I'm in New York auditioning and sight-seeing so… I'm incredibly busy! And no, I haven't seen Iron Man yet. Or any of the Avengers. But I did see Batman at Times Square!**

**I'm also so sorry that people are confused. I was too when I first started writing, but then it became easier until I finally understood who's who. **

**Loki is in Natasha's body**

**Natasha is in Fury's body**

**Fury is in Tony's body**

**Tony is in Loki's body**

**I hope that helps with some confusion! I'll give an example of how I'll address the characters. If I typed 'Fury ran', that would basically mean Fury's body ran. (So it would be Natasha's mind). It's just better because if I write it the opposite way, where the person's mind is the one I refer to, you might get the wrong image (eg you might think Tony is in Natasha instead of Loki). Also I personally think it's better to describe the scenario as if you were there.**

**Okie dokie**

When Natasha awoke, she felt like Sleipnir's eight hooves were pounding on her forehead.

She glanced around the foreign room with a large pout. Her eyes finally settled on a sleeping Thor tucked in the corner of the bedroom. Natasha noted the dark circles under his eyes and absently wondered how long he had been awake. "Thor?"

The blond god stirred before yawning incoherent words and blinking lazily. His baby blue eyes lit up at the sight at the sight of Natasha. "Hello, brother. How are you feeling?"

"Terrible," she bluntly stated. "Where are we?"

"On the Helicarrier, as the man of iron said we would be," Thor replied and stood. His back cracked, earning a shudder from Natasha. "Follow me… the scientists have a few questions."

Natasha grunted a reply of indifference and let Thor drag her across the mazes of hallways. Everyone she looked at didn't show any fear like they did the day she tried to take over the city. She soon realized that they didn't know about the switch. They thought she was really the assassin. She smirked. She would use this to her advantage.

Of course, she hadn't really thought back about her actions that day against New York. It wasn't a good time for her to, either, as she felt a warm hand harshly clamp down on her shoulder.

"Come on, Tasha," Loki grinned. "I don't work with medicine like Brucey here, but I'll play doc. Let's take a blood sample."

Bruce, Loki, Thor, and Natasha stood in a small room that overlooked one of the lobbies of the Helicarrier from a thick glass window. It was like a mini laboratory integrated in a doctor's office. Chemicals, instruments, and sinks occupied one side of the room, the counters facing the window, while the other side had a few chairs and a bed you'd find in a hospital. Grumbling, Natasha lowered herself into a chair while Bruce pulled the ruby liquid from her vein into a syringe. Then they got down to business.

"I'm going to run a test on the level of CD4 cells," Bruce informed Loki, taking a small portion of the sample to use and putting the rest in a freezer.

"It's not like she has AIDS," the god snorted. "Or maybe she… but yeah, I think I know why you are. His magic might be attacking her immune system."

Bruce replied with an affirmative grunt and started to work under a microscope.

Although they were talking about basic biology, Thor and Natasha were both equally stupefied. While Loki and Bruce idly chatted away, they could only stare and hope to understand what they were talking about

After a short wait, Loki crossed his arms and announced, "900 CD4 cells per cubic milliliter…" Thor and Natasha exchanged scared glances for once, forgetting about their intense sibling rivalry.

Noticing their nerves, Bruce quickly added, "It's normal, don't worry. That means your immune system- the thing that fights illness- is fine. We just don't really know what else the problem could be. We thought we were on to something."

Natasha slumped down, feeling a tiny bit dejected, although the only sign was her slouch. She knew the man with the eye patch would be extremely angry with her if she corrupted the body she resided in, and it would be completely her fault. Or maybe Odin, for making a faulty muzzle that couldn't even take a simple sneeze. The redhead wasn't sure, but she knew she would be at fault no matter what.

Fury could _not _take any more of this.

He was sick of ordering around people. Not to mention he couldn't even practice fighting in the sweat inducing leather jacket he was forced to wear under Tony's orders. In fact, he would have rather been put in Tony's body. Although he'd never admit it, he was dying to try out the Iron Man suit. _One day_, he thought glumly while trying to convince an agent to stop playing Galaga on the S.H.I.E.L.D. PCs.

Clint didn't noticed Fury's… fury… and awkwardly sidled next to him. "How're you holding up as Fury?"

"I'm doing fine, Clint."

As Natasha, he had been able to hide his emotions with ease, but faint creases of his eyebrows and a clenched jaw siganaled his real feelings to the archer. _Maybe the real Fury always looks like this because there's so much stress in his job,_ Clint mused. He chose to remain silent but voiced his thoughts with a questioning glare that the director either didn't see or chose to ignore. The most likely option was the latter.

They stayed like this for a couple of minutes, shoulder to shoulder overseeing the front of the Helicarrier before Fury indicated he hadn't in fact turned to stone. "Come on," he grumbled, turning on his heel and grabbing Clint roughly by the arm. "Let's go to that Shawarma kiosk."

**So as you can see, emotional problems for everyone are about to start. I could imagine it being extremely stressful for all of them. **

**Okay, I have an announcement to make! My friend (and partially me, as the producer) is going to film a Joker (lol this is Batman news) origin web series and it's going to be epic :D! I'm going to act in it. So you guys should totally watch the first episode when it comes out. That is, if it even does. We're still in the casting stage, so if we can't find a PERFECT Jack Napier, the whole thing might have to be put on hold. I'm just so excited and I had to tell someone even though we might not even get it off the ground. I'm just adjfkghalrkgj!**

**:)**


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